remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
time to smoke my breakfast
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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