perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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