In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
