my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
