So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
