Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
