also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
