yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
