youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
