I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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