Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
