SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize