plz talk dirty to me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
