I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
