I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
