so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
