I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
