So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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