So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
