im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
