Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
