i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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