Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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