My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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