Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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