Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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