Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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