it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
