Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
