i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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