I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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