please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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