1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
