and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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