He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
