best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
