I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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