I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
