I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
