Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
