and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
