now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
