remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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