There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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