i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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