The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
