I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
