I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
