You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.