I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
