I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
don't judge my taste in strippers
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world