my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?