Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.