Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.