operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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