yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
