We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
