Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
