remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
