I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
