I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
