Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
