Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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