Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
