My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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