You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
