so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
