i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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