Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
