this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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