I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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