Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
vagina is talking i cant
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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